Here's the deal: I have several fantastic and experienced teachers reading my blog (I forgot to ask this question during our AI face-to-face time), and I'd like to benefit from your collective wisdom.
Multiple times this summer I have been approached by former students in public. Nothing too remarkable there. Usually the conversation follows the typical pattern of the student recognizing me, I almost always recognize him or her (remembering his or her name is a topic for another post), I ask what he or she is doing now, he or she fills me in on the latest in his or her world, he or she usually asks if I still teach whatever class he or she was in, etc.
Most of the time, this is nice exchange. So, why do I need your help? Sometimes it takes a turn from the nice exchange and becomes socially awkward. How do you handle the Lingerer? What do I mean by the Lingerer? The Lingerer is the former student who continues to stand staring at me in the aisle of the convenience store when I'm just trying to buy cheap candy before a movie or the former student who stands staring at me while I'm trying to leave a grocery store with a cart full of frozen food. The Lingerer doesn't seem to get the hint from my "Well, gosh _______ (only fill in name if I could remember it), it was great seeing you and I'm so happy to hear you are doing well. Keep making me proud." or some other similar conversation ender. No, the Lingerer keeps making awkward conversation by repeating the same question or simply blocking my path. What do you do to end the awkward staring/lingering? I know some of you must have a sure-fire polite conversation ender that you use with former students.
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6 comments:
Gosh, that's a tough one! The cart full of frozen food makes it easy to slip away to keep the food frozen. I have often encouraged students to contact me through my school email - letting them know I'd love to keep track of what they're doing but I just have to get going right now. Sometimes subtlety is lost on many young people and you have to go straight to the polite blunt approach.
I know this doesn't help much - but I also know that your sensitive nature will help you do the right thing!
I wish I had more advice for you, but it did make me think about being a teacher and how sometimes the teacher/student relationship is sort of strange. I always feel like I get to know my kids so well for the time that they are my students, but then they wander off and I don't really see them again.
When I do run into them I swear I recognize them and I can even picture where they sat in my room, but for some reason I think I have to reboot my brain every year and reload 180 new names, and the old ones just seem to slip away sometimes.
I think I'm lucky to teach high school in a different town. I have a friend who teaches speech at CSU, and he can't even go out in Old Town anymore for exactly the reason you mention--nothing like enjoying a drink with your buddy when a student sees you and suddenly you're stuck in an hour-long conversation while your friend sits there with nothing to do.
I feel sort of bad saying this, because I do love to see my former students, it's always great to see how they are and what they're up to, but it can be awkward, as you mention.
I like Natalie's idea of saying, "hey, drop me an email some time soon and we'll catch up," I'll have to remember that.
Since I do not work in the district where I live, I do not have the problem of running into students at the grocery store. The experience I usually have is a student who drops by the school to see their old teachers. I think the experience is similar to the one you described because many will sit and stare at me long after I am done with the conversation and have begun working on my computer.
Usually when the polite message is not taken well I just put on my biggest smile and say "Well it was so great seeing you again and I happy you stopped by to see me. I am sorry, I have to run to the ____ (office, bathroom, library) before I have to leave." Then I walk out - still smiling, of course.
I hope this helps - I don't think there is an easy answer. Honestly, even my "big smiled run" feels awkward. Let me know if you get a great answer to this so I can use it too!
I forgot - would you mind checking out my questions about taping that I left on my blog? After your comments I need some clarification.
Thanks for your help!!
LOL! Since Will has been teaching for 20 years, too, he's forgotten thousands of names by this time. His usual greeting is "Hey, guy/girl!"
(At the same time he almost always ignores me because he knows I'm dying to ask him to introduce me and thus make it clear that he has no idea what the kid's name is. I'm a bad person that way.)
And that's his usual sign-off, too. "Hey, guy/girl! Well, it's been great seeing you, but I'm still not making the big bucks, and I can't afford to lose a box of Eskimo Pies, so I'll let you go now. Take care!"
Try that line next time :).
- Cindy
I knew you all would have good ideas! And the fact that this doesn't only happen to me makes me feel better too. Renee, thanks for the inclusion of the return-to-school-visitor tip--I've been trapped there too. I had begun to fear that my shy nature (something I overcome in my classroom) was coming out in these situations, but it happens to all of you outgoing types too!
I had to laugh at Cindy's post because my version of Will's "Hey guy/girl" is simply to elongate the "Hey." I've had to teach my husband that this is the sign that I have no idea what this person's name is and that I can't introduce him, so he is better off backing around the corner until I can escape.
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